Monday, December 20, 2010
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Liz and Mikey
Liz- Does anyone have a lighter? Mike just took a giant shit and I need to take a shower.
Mike- Well..it was sort of medium.
Mike- Well..it was sort of medium.
Liz at the Lost Coast
I want you on my team for street fighter wars. {pause} I'm drinking a bowl of wine. And sand.
Mikey on Revolution Magazine
This is why I don't read this magazine. They have an 'ask a celebrity' section. The drummer of Pantera is the last person you want advice from if you're a chubby chick.
Mikey at Costco
I feel like I'm pretty much an educated racist
(...minutes later in the car)
Liz- So Mikey, what's a derrogotary name for a plumber?
Mike- (w/o hesitation)- A turd herder
(...minutes later in the car)
Liz- So Mikey, what's a derrogotary name for a plumber?
Mike- (w/o hesitation)- A turd herder
Sunday, April 18, 2010
i love airports
Shit *the guy behind me on the plane* says:
(it's midnight, very quiet. Drink tray is coming down the isle, stewardess whispers to people who are awake)
[stewardess]-what would you like to drink sir
[male geriatric passenger] *yelling* - WHAT?!
[s] -(repeats question)
[p] *still yelling* -I'D LIKE JUICE
[s]- okay we have apple, orange, tomato...
[p] - WHAT TYPE OF JUICE DO YOU HAVE?
[s] - (repeats the juice types)
[p] - PINEAPPLE
[s] - we don't have pineapple
[p] - ORANGE. I SAID ORANGE JUICE
The next morning (aka 4 hours later)
[same old man passenger] *still yelling* - What a SHIT job I'm telling you
[woman next to him] - Yes, it can't be fun
[man] - It's right up there with truck driving. I equate the two. Two shittiest jobs in America. TRUCK DRIVING and FLYING PLANES.
(it's midnight, very quiet. Drink tray is coming down the isle, stewardess whispers to people who are awake)
[stewardess]-what would you like to drink sir
[male geriatric passenger] *yelling* - WHAT?!
[s] -(repeats question)
[p] *still yelling* -I'D LIKE JUICE
[s]- okay we have apple, orange, tomato...
[p] - WHAT TYPE OF JUICE DO YOU HAVE?
[s] - (repeats the juice types)
[p] - PINEAPPLE
[s] - we don't have pineapple
[p] - ORANGE. I SAID ORANGE JUICE
The next morning (aka 4 hours later)
[same old man passenger] *still yelling* - What a SHIT job I'm telling you
[woman next to him] - Yes, it can't be fun
[man] - It's right up there with truck driving. I equate the two. Two shittiest jobs in America. TRUCK DRIVING and FLYING PLANES.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Friday, March 19, 2010
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Baby Sock. . .
Baby sock baby sock,
why do you haunt me so?
Always just waiting on my door knob
like a pimp for his ho.
Baby sock baby sock
where did your foot fall out?
You'd look much better on a baby
than you do without.
Baby sock baby sock
how do you jump so high?
I keep tossing you on the floor like a rag
then you're back on the knob, why oh why.
I like pumpkin pie!
why do you haunt me so?
Always just waiting on my door knob
like a pimp for his ho.
Baby sock baby sock
where did your foot fall out?
You'd look much better on a baby
than you do without.
Baby sock baby sock
how do you jump so high?
I keep tossing you on the floor like a rag
then you're back on the knob, why oh why.
I like pumpkin pie!
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Caron on Hot Buttered Rum:
Jenny: "It's pretty good."
Caron: "I don't believe you; it looks like poo water."
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
words to live by
On thinking the snack is what put you over the edge and not the giant burrito:
"A horrible side effect of pot brownies is getting a snack on the way to eat lunch." (Liz)
On misfortune:
(Jenny) "I've got poop hands. Let me have some hand sanitizer."
(Liz) "but you don't like hand sanitizer."
(Jenny) "Yes, but i'd use it on poop hands."
On referring to the word "appropriate":
"Look at her, acting all appropriate and shit. See? She doesn't expect someone like me to use big words like that." (Nash, the neighborhood muse)
On kangaroos:
(Liz) "I'm so glad I'm not a marsupial. I would always lose stuff in my goddam pouch." (Liz)
On eating too much:
(Liz) "I have burrito in my teeth."
(Jenny) "I have burrito in every orifice"
*A girl walks by*
(to Maddie) "Ooooo she likes that. You wanna hurt that dontcha?"
On lightweights:
"You're a 12 ouncer. That's cool."
On interpretive dancing to Bob Dylan:
(Liz)"I can't do that"
(Jenny) "Do what?"
(Liz) "Put my pants on my head"
(Jenny) "He says, 'put a pencil in my hand'"
(Liz) "oh"
"A horrible side effect of pot brownies is getting a snack on the way to eat lunch." (Liz)
On misfortune:
(Jenny) "I've got poop hands. Let me have some hand sanitizer."
(Liz) "but you don't like hand sanitizer."
(Jenny) "Yes, but i'd use it on poop hands."
On referring to the word "appropriate":
"Look at her, acting all appropriate and shit. See? She doesn't expect someone like me to use big words like that." (Nash, the neighborhood muse)
On kangaroos:
(Liz) "I'm so glad I'm not a marsupial. I would always lose stuff in my goddam pouch." (Liz)
On eating too much:
(Liz) "I have burrito in my teeth."
(Jenny) "I have burrito in every orifice"
*A girl walks by*
(to Maddie) "Ooooo she likes that. You wanna hurt that dontcha?"
On lightweights:
"You're a 12 ouncer. That's cool."
On interpretive dancing to Bob Dylan:
(Liz)"I can't do that"
(Jenny) "Do what?"
(Liz) "Put my pants on my head"
(Jenny) "He says, 'put a pencil in my hand'"
(Liz) "oh"
It was a 'what was I thinking' kind of Saturday...
I ate a pot brownie
I at Cheetos
I ate a burrito
What was I thinking?
I hugged hot neighbor twice
I should have hugged him thrice
What was I thinking?
Decide to save my corn chips
carried them home in a snack bag
poured salsa on chips inside bag
What was I thinking?
I woke up in a pool of blood at the bottom of my friend's stairs
What was I thinking?
I invited everyone into my house
The Earl Brothers came to play
I slept in my roommates bed
I don't remember a thing
What was I thinking?
I at Cheetos
I ate a burrito
What was I thinking?
I hugged hot neighbor twice
I should have hugged him thrice
What was I thinking?
Decide to save my corn chips
carried them home in a snack bag
poured salsa on chips inside bag
What was I thinking?
I woke up in a pool of blood at the bottom of my friend's stairs
What was I thinking?
I invited everyone into my house
The Earl Brothers came to play
I slept in my roommates bed
I don't remember a thing
What was I thinking?
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Local neighborhood group initiates conversation on sustainable communities
Local neighborhood group initiates conversation on sustainable communities:
On Wednesday, a meeting of the Wigg Party had a little taste of political, a pinch of celebration, and the full flavor of a unified group of thought. Morgan Fitzgibbons invited friends, colleagues and like-minded people to the Sunshine Castle, a.k.a. his house, to a conference place, a.k.a. his bedroom, in hopes to create and discuss an evolved neighborhood committee for the Lower Haight, panhandle, USF, Western Addition and NOPA districts of San Francisco.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
It starts with a bakers soul...
Have you ever read the side of a Pepperidge Farms bag? It's almost as enjoyable as eating a double chocolate mint Milano in front of a cracking fire with a pipe and a robe.
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